The Coolest online space for Muslim Youth!

[rebel]

"Peace? Aint no peace - the killing aint ceased."

Life's gotten busy. I need to work.

But I also need to feed my soul.

Sigh.

It's hard.

[Baji_Me]

Im hungry. And im cold. And im cold. And im cold. And im blurgh. ....now that feels good.

Wat a waste of a day. Wat a waste of life. Crapinder. Id like to apologize for my foul lingo i used a while back .... cant help it.

I feel empty. I wish i felt something. Anything *sigh*.
Me and sis arent really talking. Oh for the love of god i feel like swearin again....argh!! Last week i bought her armani code. Had every intention of giving it to her. But when i came home from work, she wasnt sleepin in our room. N it jus pissed me off coz she knows im scared to sleep alone ....so why do that?! ... she has seen it. But i havent given it to her. I guess its an improvement coz usually id flaunt it in front of her, but ....i really dont wanna be a b!tch anymore. Stupid satan. Go sit in someone else's lap ..

I need to get married. Somebody please marry me .....i promise il let u have a second wife .
The other day me n nadia were talkin about marriage and babies. N how non of it interests me. At all. Babies are cute, but as if i have time to take care of another person. N even if i do get over that, urgh....i feel sick. When tapped on the shoulder, i feel like someone has injected a billion spiders into my bloodstream n their claws (not that they have any) are gripping me....and arghhhhhhhh....i cant do it. Why is there no pukey emoticon here ....

Hadnt spoken to mother in hmmm...1.5 weeks. She called today. Asked if everything is ok between me and sis...lol. Why can mothers sense these things ....

And uni. Well i guess il be taking another year out. What a waste, If its not one thing, its another. Prob with reference. Probelm with transcript. Admin guy takes a few days off. When he returns tutor becomes ill. By the time i can contact these ppl, its 3weeks into the course. N then admin guy changes offices, so i cant contact him via anything. So i guess Fate got its way. No matter how hard i tried, i just wasnt gettin anywhere. Im tellin u i better get accepted on to that TEFL course ...otherwise im jus gonna deport myself to pakistan. If learning arabic wasnt meant for me, then surely teaching english is. Please be it. please.

Im such an illiterate fool. WTF is my role in life. I have done nothing for the betterment of this society, for this ummah....i hate it. I hate feeling like a worthless piece of trash....somebody shoot me . Preferablly on a friday after dhur prayer .....il try to have been on my best behaviour

[t0xy]

[sumayah]

got four assignments for uni due so close to each other. 18, 19, 20 and 27 nov. am so screwed with lang, dnt even knw wher to begin man.

[t0xy]

got keys to new place.....paid security deposit yesterday evening.

gonna move my stuff gradually in......should be done by friday/saterday.

taking out niece to restaurant....i probably wont be here for her birthday.

need to take photos of nephews.

bleh.

[Umz]

scared, blurghed out
taut i wud b okay, dat i cud stick it out bt its gettin so hard
need to sort myself out
lol n comunicatin is so overrated >.<
sleeep?

college next week, Whooooop =D
few weeks til xmas :O then january examssss :|

[Umz]

time to stop talking?
id love to go on a huge rant but theres nothing to say
so empty,

[Baji_Me]

Dont know wat to do. I dont feel obliged to help, but the guilty conscience kicks in. And man, i have a trillion and one other things i could be doing. If this is Allah showin me that i can be a mother figure then pscht. Aint working. Coz im even more determined to not be tied down like that. Urgh.

Work is gettin crapper by the day. Went mental ... one min im counting the sandwiches, n the next....i've thrown them on the floor, and im cursing the workplace ... i wonder if im schitzo.
Had an argument with the boss. Spoke down to the supervisor. Not talkin to the work colleagues much. Jus cba....why havnt i been sacked yet ....

Cant stand bein at home anymore .....need.to.move.out.
Need to scream. Need to bang my head against the wall ....need blood drippin out of my head.....need to feel pain....i cannot take this any more.
Its a dark night. Im walkin into nothingness. N see glowing eyes ahead of me...i walk towards them...who is it. What is it. Take me away with you. Let me live within shadowy realm...hmmm. Hello satan.... ....One of these days il be taken away. I sense it. Byebye cruel world. Byebye sanity. x

[piercinglilay]

hmm..salam. right now my whole left leg is numb. i tried walking, but i felt like i had only one leg. it's bright and sunny out, but i hear the sound of thunder. a3outhubillah. ;__;'

i'm waiting for a call....still haven't heard my phone ring. i recited quran this morning and still waiting for my teacher to come by. wonder why she hasn't come by yet. it's lunch time and i don't feel like eating. ate cereal for breakfast. took some pills to get rid of the pain. i wish i was fasting. though i can't. erm..let's just say i can't pray. o_o

need to do my homework, 20 page essay. i know, horrible. what can i say? my teacher thinks i can do that. cchhh..wasting his time. i already have a plan. my teacher says he's catholic. i don't believe that--nor does anyone else. he use to wear a star of david necklace, use to be engaged to a jewish lady, but supposedly she died. has a jewish wife now but wants to get divorced with her. looks and sounds pretty jewish to me.

-thunder sounds twice, now and my neighbor's dog is barking. stupid dog. another one. bark-

bu who knows. not for me to judge what he wants to call himself.

i have to maintain a 4.0 GPA for the rest of high school. so far, easy smeshzy. two teachers came over yesterday. what surprised me was that they said, "As-salamu alaikum." wow, never heard them say that at school. ahem, i'm in the mood for junk. cookies anyone?

[rasheed]

Heh, old habits die hard. Dark days and day nights lead to dark circles, and an even blacker heart. What drives me to this self induced cycle of destruction? Nothing more than my fecklessness; whilst I realise that that my comfort blanket of ineffectualism protects me only from reward it helps me to convince myself I'm safe from failure. I suppose it's laughable that I recognise that through my actions failure is inevitable but I find that I expend less energy in reaching the same end by doing nothing to change my condition.

And what could I do? My life falls apart and my trusty glue will no longer bond the pieces. Fine, I can tolerate self destruction, but in doing so I also destroy a family, and their hopes and dreams with it; that is a burden too heavy to bear! i take my dreams and hide them amongst the stars knowing that whilst they stay outside my reach I can't soil them, I can't shatter them, and most importantly nobody can use them against me. I disgrace myself in trying to avoid the truth, yet I know not how to turn and face it.

New problems lead only to the application of old solutions; the wrong ones of course, but it's all too easy to to force a square peg into a round hole when you know how. I long for the ability to apply what I have learned, what I hold in my heart. Hmm, seduce to feel better, and follow through the punish myself for regressing to transgress; a clever little thing aren't I.