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[Zoya15]

I have been put in the worse situation ever .. My cousin is in a relationship with this really nice Muslim girl . I am the only person who knows this and feel that what he is doing is wrong. And this may sound stupid but recently fr sum stupid reason my cousin has tryed setting me up with the girls brother cause apprantly he likes me.

Now my question is how can I stop my cousin frm seeing this girl without telling his parents and what do I do if I get asked to go out with that boy I dnt know ;(

[Learning]

To the second problem, you tell him that you're not interested and only plan on doing things the right way.

[Hum.786]

hhhmm.... shtikcy shticky shticky... a very shticky situation..

If I were in your place, first off I'd ask your cousin, do you know what you're doing isn't right? Question him. See if you can get something outa him, make him feel guilty. If that doesn't get him thinking, speak to his gf, make friends with her and try get in that way.
Buuuut, at the end of the day, I wouldn't hold any high hopes, because he's just another human being, and is gonna live his life the way he wants to - and you should respect that.

However, he does not have the right to force that onto you...

Problemo numero dos: Girl, have you never turned down a guy before?!
Don't give the guy a hard time about it, becuase he's just a bloke with feelings for you right? Tell your cousin what you think, or just speak to the dude yourself. Tell him "Thanks for flattering me - but this is MY life, and I wanna live it like Allah (swt) has told me too, I hope you can follow, but if not then I hope you can find the girl your really looking for..." summin like that but no too corny init

Btw, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNlkIxFAlv0
Humaira xx

[faro0485]

I have been put in the worse situation ever .. My cousin is in a relationship with this really nice Muslim girl . I am the only person who knows this and feel that what he is doing is wrong. And this may sound stupid but recently fr sum stupid reason my cousin has tryed setting me up with the girls brother cause apprantly he likes me.

Now my question is how can I stop my cousin frm seeing this girl without telling his parents and what do I do if I get asked to go out with that boy I dnt know ;(

It is not a sin if you make an indirect proposal or have such an intention in your hearts. God knows that you will cherish their memories in your hearts. Do not have secret meetings unless it is for a good word. Do not decide for a marriage before the appointed time is over. Know that God knows what is in your hearts. Have fear of Him and know that He is All-forgiving and All-merciful.


Quran 24:30 Say to the believing men that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts; that is purer for them; surely Allah is Aware of what they do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqmKZ7ez ... ure=search

[24:3] The adulterer/fornicator can only marry an adulteress/fornicatoress or an idol worshiper, and the adulteress will end up marrying an adulterer or an idol worshiper. This is prohibited for the believers.

[24:4] Those who accuse married women of adultery, then fail to produce four witnesses, you shall whip them eighty lashes, and do not accept any testimony from them; they are wicked.

[24:5] If they repent afterwards and reform, then GOD is Forgiver, Merciful.

[24:6] As for those who accuse their own spouses, without any other witnesses, then the testimony may be accepted if he swears by GOD four times that he is telling the truth.

[24:7] The fifth oath shall be to incur GOD's condemnation upon him, if he was lying.

[24:8] She shall be considered innocent if she swears by GOD four times that he is a liar.

[24:9] The fifth oath shall incur GOD's wrath upon her if he was telling the truth.

[24:10] This is GOD's grace and mercy towards you. GOD is Redeemer, Most Wise.

Quran 9:71 And the believers, men and women, some are protecting friends one of another; because they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.

Your cousin isn't technically a muslim, because muslim means "someone who submits" as to someone who believes.

Quran 49:19 The wandering Arabs say: We believe. Say: You believe not, but rather say "We submit," for the faith hath not yet entered into your hearts. Yet, if you obey Allah and His messenger, He will not withhold from you a bit of your deeds. Indeed Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

To submit, one submits to the god of all creation... and does as the commands. Ultimately speaking once a person becomes an adulterer/fornicator and goes into a relationship before marriage... that's it for them, they cannot marry someone who has never done such a thing.


If he asks you, tell him to lower his gaze and teach him about quran chapter 24 verse 31 if he is a muslim. If you are a muslim then you would take note of that and not consider him a friend as according to quran 9:71. Business is business... and one's faith is based upon the friendship we keep as according to one saying of the prophet.

Quran 2:221 And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.

It's too bad these days women who call themselves muslims aren't interested in believe slaves but prefer men who are pleasing.

Polytheistic in my view would be a person who prioritizes other than allah on their list. Such as someone who makes music or games or etc etc kinda like a god they may worship. Even to the point of proritizing their special teacher or specific book or club etc etc even though they assume it was from the god, but heck even the pagan arabs assumed/assume their worship is from allah.

There's supposed to be another verse in the quran which speaks about if you intend to like someone for a relationship you gotta tell her community. You'll have to forgive me as I can't remember where it was. But ultimately if you can find a man would know that and go to your parentgs for your permission... then of course you may consider such man for relationship.

That's all the help I have for now.

As for what to do with the cousin? Explain the quran to them. Learn that video and let them know about it in your own words.

But of course, if you tell them this without mercy... you'll push them away:

https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AV-t ... NmR2&hl=en

You may even need to consult with them regarding this.

Assalamu alaykum

the-peace for-you

(the peace... almost sounding like a synonym for heaven)

[Zoya15]

thanks guys....

[Sabz]

"Your cousin isn't technically a muslim, because muslim means "someone who submits" as to someone who believes"

I think saying that Zoya's cousin isn't a Muslim is a tad harsh don't you Ummer..??
We're all human and we all make mistakes, especially in the society we live in today. Some people on this forum may not be able to pray very often, others may not wear the Hijab, but surely that doesn't mean they're not Muslims.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging or even trying to justify a relationship such as this, I'm just stating that your statement, in my opinion was a bit harsh.

Zoya, to the second problem you have, all I can suggest that it's your life, don't let someone else (no matter how well you know them) make suggestions for you. If you don't like the guy, just tell him...I'm sure he'll get over it.

Sabz xx

[Learning]

Brilliant response Sabz. If someone commits a sin, does it mean they aren't a Muslim? Does that mean that they can't repent?

[Sabz]

Thanks Learning I even have an Islamic Book: 'A Gift for Muslim Women' - fantastic read and very highly recommened, which mentions how much Allah (SWT) loves to forgive his people.
I can’t quote from the book as I don’t have it to hand at the moment, but it goes along the lines of if people didn’t commit sins, Allah (SWT) would replace such people with those who commit sins and then REPENT and fear him and he would forgive them. This is how much Allah (SWT) loves to forgive people. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not promoting sins here, I’m just saying that to rule someone out of Islam just because they have done something wrong isn’t right at all. If that was the case, then who would be classed as a Muslim – NO ONE. Why? Because there is no-one in this world who is perfect and sin free.

Sabz xx

[Zoya15]

'We're all human and we all make mistakes, especially in the society we live in today. '

i agree but then its someone elses right to tell that person that what they are doing us wrong :S

[Sabz]

"i agree but then its someone elses right to tell that person that what they are doing us wrong :S"

It is someone else's right to tell that person that what they're doing is wrong, I agree with that totally. But my comment was directed at Ummer for being a bit too harsh saying your cousin isn't a Muslim, because he's making a mistake, which in my opinion is just wrong.

Sabz xx